it's almost february already...boy does time fly!i've decided blogging again as this helps me reflect back on what i've accomplished and well,not accomplished yet....
YESSS I'm happy to say that I've grown,in more ways than one
i've grown 5cm!!!finally after 4 years of disappointment,heart-ache and torture.....well i can't blame anyone except myself for THAT...
if you don't know me,you won't know the hell i've been going through....yet again,even my closest of closest friends don't know the pain i've endured for the past 4 years(one forth of my supposedly "lucky" life)
if you think i'm exaggerating,you're so damn wrong
for the last 4 years,i've been tortured physically,mentally,emotionally .....the only thing that kept me going was knowing that JESUS was there every second of my life
the obsessions i had....the demons in me....everythimg i went through might be too much for you to handle.....
some people i know ask me why on earth did i do that to myself....well,even i don't know why......all i can say is when the demon's in you,you don't seem to think right
you,yes you thought that i transfered schools because it was more convenient....yess the hell it was.....if you're smart you should have known that taman sea's way more convenient as it's nearer...moreover,i can follow inkkie and her brother to school..hell I was even in the same societies and clubs as inks'....green house,PBSM and christian fellowship...so transportation was just a cover-up....
truth is....................................................................................................................................
and my mum didn't give up on me.....she wanted to get her daughter back(i thank god for that)if not for my mum.....i guess i'll be dead by now
did i regret what i've done to myself???most people who have gone through hell like me would say no....but we really do regret the no is just a cover-up.......why???cos...i've given up soooo much because of that.....i've given up my life just cause of that...
what if........,i would have been much taller now
what if........,i would have loads of treasurable memories with you
what if........,i would have discovered my full potential
what if........,i wouldn't have lost you
what if........,
what if........,
all i can do now is wonder.....what if....
HOWEVER......... without going through all that pain.......i wouldn't have
discovered what my passion was...
known who my true friends were...
gained so much valuable life experiences...
appreaciated life (and time) more...
stopped judging people based on thier first impressions once in awhile....
and most importantly of all....
i wouldn't in a million years HAVE GOTTEN THIS CLOSE TO
THE TRINITY....
GOD,JESUS CHRIST AND THE HOLY SPIRIT...
so all in all....yesss i've grown....in more ways than one....
and now you know....you're not the only one who's suffering....
i am too....but i know that i can't affect other people with my sufferings and depressions...
i don't want to make them feel miserable too...
i wouldn't wish this on anyone....not even on my enemy...
confessed by suilyn on the 30th of January 2010...
*u don't know how much lighter my heart feels right now*
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